The diet starts tomorrow

Imagine, if you will, the analogy of global warming to human obesity. The more you eat and less you exercise, the fatter you get. The more CO2 you put in the atmosphere, the warmer the planet gets.

The earth needs to diet. Badly. But I can personally vouch for diets being hard. Sacrifices have to be made if you want to avoid higher risks of heart attack, diabetes and being a fat bastard. Such is the way of life. Using this view, the attitudes of the head-in-the-sand brigade are pretty simple to summarise:

"The earth isn't warming up" = "I'm not fat, I'm big boned"
"The earth warming up is a natural process" = "It's just water retention"
"The science isn't complete" = "You haven't taken into account my motabilism"

All complete toss, naturally. You can argue about the finer details until the cows come home, but it doesn't stop you being a serious fat-ass who needs to cut down on the lard.

On that note, some of dear Georgie latest paltry offerings at a US-hosted climate conference are just plain laughable:

Mr Bush stressed that combating climate change should not damage the economy.
...
"We must do it in a way that does not undermine economic growth or prevent nations from delivering greater prosperity for their people," he said.

i.e. "I'm going to lose weight but I'm not giving up my cream cakes."

And he again hinted that the US would not commit itself to mandatory CO2 cuts.
...
"By setting this goal, we acknowledge there is a problem. And by setting this goal, we commit ourselves to doing something about it," Mr Bush said.

"I'm going to lose weight, I've bought the books and the treadmill, just let me do it in my own time."

"Each nation must decide for itself the right mix of tools and technology to achieve results that are measurable and environmentally effective," Mr Bush told delegates in Washington.

"I'm not going to hassle you, so you don't hassle me. We can all do this without Weight Watchers meetings or weigh-ins or anything."

How many people do you know who have sworn they were going to lose weight to these sorts of statements and didn't? (I'll admit to being one of them) Wake up, Mr. President. Please.

OK, so it's an improvement on his previous line, but he's still living in a serious state of denial. His vision is that with the right investment, some bright American will invent a magic bullet to solve climate change (that presumably they can sell to the rest of the world). Trouble is, I don't know about anyone else, is that when you have access to low-fat mayyonaise (e.g. hybrid cars) you either end up using twice as much of it or use it as an excuse to have that extra bag of crisps.

Open for Buisiness

It was going to happen sooner or later, but now they've announced that the fabled northwest passage, the route between the Atlantic and the Pacific that goes over North America, has opened for the first time after all the centuries of explorers trying and failing to find a way through the ice. The reason, you guessed it, is our old friend global warming.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/6995999.stm

This raises an interesting point. If people can suddenly get between the two oceans without having to go through the Panama Canal and paying the extortionate fees associated with it, should one have to pay someone else for the pleasure? Funnily enough, Canada thinks you should. Everyone else thinks you shouldn't. Cue lots of international wrangling and lawyers lining their pockets.

But in my mind the more important question is what bizarre maritime rituals are people going to invent for first-timers doing this, akin to the treatement administered to hapless new recruits and postdocs get when they do things like the equator, the international date line, the Panama, Suez and Kiel canals etc. Only time will tell on that one...

Iron Maiden's plans for 2008

Iron Maiden have announced their tour plans for 2008, in the shape of a world tour dubbed "Somewhere Back in Time". They'll have their own plane (which Bruce is piloting, naturally) and will be playing stuff from the eighties to kind of make up for their last tour in which they played their (albeit amazing) new album start to finish.

More details are here but the bit that had me interested was this bit:

Rod Smallwood, Iron Maiden's Manager, further commented; "Following Bruce's various hints from on stage this last year about our plans for 2008 ("We are taking some time off to build some pyramids!"), fans have been pestering me for details of the tour and especially asking which songs from that era will be played. That may be as easy as a run in the hills but we will keep our aces close to our chest on this issue. I know it would only take a couple of minutes but at this stage of planning, I'd have to be clairvoyant to know what they will do. I'm sure though it will be no revelation for you that we intend to make up for those wasted years by visiting a large number of hallowed metal venues around the world. Historically 'Powerslave' was an incredibly important album for the band and it would be madness if we didn't give the fans a taste of the full on Iron Maiden show from that time. With our jumbo there really is no rime nor reason why the band cannot now visit fans almost everywhere as many have been real troopers to have waited this long. Heaven only knows what the band will choose but if l could and did tell you now l would have to shoot you! You'll all have to be patient and see. But it will be spectacular. No fear!!"

Most Maiden fans should be able to pull the batting order out of that. Depending on how much imagination you have, I counted maybe 12 or 14 references but I probably missed a couple. I hope the last bit means FOTD will be played, given that it isn't technically 80s but is awesome anyway. Anyway, I will have to catch them somewhere, ideally Wacken but anywhere would suffice.